Michelle Ann at Portland, Moving On at Oregon

May 26-29,2018

My ever dearest Mamang,

Anak ku pa, palakad na ku. You know that. My feet are always restless, and now that I am much older, they continue to want to move and see places.
I think I did not have a chance to tell you this, I am wishing to see at least one state of America annually. It has 50,hmmm, thru rough approximation, kahit man lang one-third , matupad wish ko before arthritis hits my knees. We'll see.:)

This year, I wanted to see Canada. Upon looking at its geographic data and history, I discovered how big the country is. It has states that are near East Coast( neighbor to my most favorite-New York) and has that's near our California. I opted for Vancouver, looked at the map for any US states adjacent to it and found Oregon.

Ma, I traveled alone. This is not news anymore. I am way too comfortable in my own company and I don't know if that's good. Palage mu? Siguru if tyu ka pa keni, I might have lied and told you I have friends with me so that you wouldn't worry.

When I am by myself, I am more alert, aware and attentive. You know I have a tendency to depend on others when the chance arises so on this solo holidays, I tried my best to stay safe, away from danger coz I didn't want you to worry up there and my koyas na as usual, for their love ( and trust) of me, di kumontra with my plans.

Mang, here are my photos.

Sometimes the beauty of the world seems excruciatingly painful because we are so aware of our loved one's loss of that world. How can we savor the fragrances and sights of life without a stab of pain that our loved one can no longer have these experiences- or share them with us?*

A weird woman in Weirdlandia.

Mang, this photo I posted on Facebook received unusual number of likes, loves and comments. Ang ganda ko daw. Hihi!! . You did not teach me false humility, Sabi mu lagi, when people give us compliments, accept them graciously and say Thank you. So, thank you everyone.:)

Ma, malagu ku ba???:)

Posted this on my IG account, May 29: Witnessed, explored and embraced three falls at Oregon today. Multnomah, Bridal Veil and Latourell, all at Columbia River Gorge. Each has a story to tell. Multnomah is the tallest at 611 feet. Bridal Veil is aptly called coz it literally looks like one. (Sa picture man lang, I had a bridal veil on top of my mane.) :) Latourell drove me all the way to Twilight sceneries, I thought I will see Bella and Edward Cullen.  In muh life, there are countless "falls" I have committed. Scraped not only my knees but my heart and soul. I fall, cry and get up. My "falls" sharpen my strength and resilience and faith in love and forgiveness. Sometimes, it takes falls of the same kind before I realize a lesson or two that connects with it. I know I will continue to encounter more falls along the way but I too know that the wounds won't hinder me to bounce back even if I have to crawl on all fours before I can stand up again. Ate Kris found #hugot with powerbanks. Eto naman fan nya, nakakita ng #hugot sa falls. :)

Bridal Veil

Are you there, my vampire buddies?

Guide me in all my adventures, Ma.

Latourell

Multnomah Falls

Powell Bookstore occupies a whole block.

 Mang, I stayed at Hotel Lucia in downtown Portland. It's quaint and quiet. And I felt safe. The staff always went extra mile to accommodate my needs- they pointed the best pasta in Grassa, and the so-heavenly yet waistline-killer Moonstruck chocolates.

My neighborhood.

 This is the first time I experienced this- free Happy Hour at the lobby featuring selections of local handcrafted beer every day.Ma, I know it would sound weird if I tell people now that you were the one who taught me how to drink beer. Kasi nyang anak ku, I was skinny beanny, and for me to gain weight, sabi mu minum kung beer. Haha!! Now, I am struggling to lose pounds.

OMG!!! This was block away from Hotel Lucia and Christian Grey "stayed " here!!!:)

Dine and wine at Imperial Restaurant. At the backdrop is Hotel Lucia, my home for the holidays.

Imperial Restaurant chef's Vitaley Paley is a winner of James Beard Award and Iron Chef America. 

Their steak is tender and juicy, loved how it was served medium rare.

Mang, I stepped at Pittock Mansion and remembered my Grade IV dream I wrote in one homework- to have a 10-bedroom mansion. Ay Ma, ang ganda ng bahay. I imagined you, Mayet , Tapatina and me living there, with Cleng, AC and Nia as our constant regular guests.:)

So complicated!!!

This I know will get your two thumbs-up Mother. I was able to attend a Sunday Mass at St.Michael the Archangel Church, a historic Portland landmark designated by the Portland City Council on December 29, 1971.  The priest led the rosary before the mass, I like going to small chapels. They give me a sense of quiet intimacy.

So it is a real step- and an indication of our willingness to trust that our loved one is now in better hands than ours- when we can reclaim our eyes and ears and sensations of taste and touch and smell in all their fullness, knowing that it is exactly what our loved one would want for us, too.*

Mother, a few true friends asked me why I looked happy and blooming in my photos. They were I think still secretly hoping, that a guy is behind the spark in my eyes' smile. But it's not, it is you Mang, coz on those days that I went on a trip, you were with me. You helped me enjoy Portland, its places and food. You did not allow me to suck in a darkened tunnel. I know you were praying for me, that even if you don't like it much that I was just by myself, in the end, you still wanted me to have fun. And in each press of the camera button, I was imagining you looking at me from heaven, telling me, " Continue to live life, my darling. Buri ku lagi kang malagu at masaya." 

I enjoyed this trip, Mang. I had afternoon naps, watched the NBA playoffs in my roon, ticked off my list of food to try, people-watched and did a little bit of shopping. On this journey, I gained not only weight, but wisdom and security in making certain decision that I needed to face.

The beauty of the world in all its fullness is mine to claim.*

I love you and I miss you every day.

Live. Fly. Eat.

*Excerpts from Healing After Loss book by Martha W. Hickman