My everdearest Mamang,
How are you??I know I shouldn't worry about you as you are in the safest and perfect place. Maybe it's you who wants to ask that question to us, especially as we are in turmoil of uncertainties lately. Pero ali rin siguru, coz you know that everything is under control, that needless anxiety will bring us nowhere.
I can hear you telling us to keep on praying and have faith in God and mankind. Once, someone asked me "Nukarin ing faith mu?" I simply replied "Please try not to question my faith?" But let the sassy Mitzi say this- I have this deep, unwavering faith because of you. Your trust in the Lord, your prayers have always been your firm cushion and shield in any battle.You never faltered in times of tragedies and trials, you wept with a sorrowful heart for every pain my Koyas and I ,experienced. And yet, you stood firm and composed with strength so contagious, we always managed to get up and move again.
You did not raise me with Disney fairytales of princesses and princes as you introduced us early on the realities of life- the cruelty of the world, meanness of few people, the dangers of complacency and hatred, that we can't have all we want but God will suffice what we need.Alongside, you showed us how to live a life worth living. You were never afraid to love and forgive. You basked in the goodness of people around you,tried in your own ways to be nicer and generous in return.
You were far from perfect, Ma. You didn't even have a single signature dish that we can boast of.:) Even the most simple Kapampangan food staple sinigang of yours deserved a barely passing grade.Your "NI"(needs improvement) in homechores is forgiveable.:) How it was our hobby to "judge" people when they wear unmatched or baduy clothes.
The BEAST of not having you around anymore is that I still miss you soooo much. I miss your voice the most. My heart continues to pierce into pieces for every DR occasion/holidays as I look at us and realize we actually don't have parents anymore. Can that be my excuse that's why I act "mag-inda-inda" to C, Beloy and Boo?:) I scroll my phone's photo albums and all I have are old pictures and videos of yours. I guess I have to live with that. Samantha is in college already, since last year we have been looking forward for Jack's high school graduation. Kadie will move up to secondary education too. Oh and Ma, Mykela has an angelic voice especially when she sings christian songs.I long to hear your funny and weird comments on society issues, how I realized my loyalty really is with Ate Kris and not with ABS,when I vent my complaints at work , when I give you a list of my dream places to see, clothes and sneakers to buy and about my crushes. I just miss you very much, always and today.
On the other hand, not having you anymore with us here on earth has its own BEAUTY. You are now free from suffering, pain and agony.Pure joy, perfect peace surround you.You live eternal life with all the angels and saints. You have the best kind of life.
A few days ago I told the family, I am somehow glad you are not here anymore. I can imagine lengthy and repetitive discussions and debates with you that you can't attend Eucharistic celebrations, I know how you will refuse our pleas and explanations. I got my stubbornness from you, agree??:)
You are free from all the chaos COVID 19 create and spread around the globe. You are not here to witness that for the first time ever ( as far as I remember in my 42 years of existence), Holy Week celebrations will be online alone. Your voice on my head- "Nanu tang online ayan??"
Today, on your special day, Pope Francis "is calling all Christians to be united in prayer" and pray the Lord's Prayer. Mang, please pray for us and with us??
Happy birthday my darling Cor. Let's blow your 83 candles here and wish for COVID 19 to leave asap, for safety and good health of everyone, for healing of the whole world and for more patience for my Koyas to tolerate my insanity.. Don't worry about us, we will be fine. We have you and Papang looking after us, anyhow.I love you soooo much.
Postscript:
Sorry that we have to cancel a small celebration for you.Bawal kasi more than 10 people in a gathering eh!:) Nonetheless, Ate Reggie will cook pansit for you.:)
Mamang. Forever. Love.
