Hanging In There

Today marks my 2-year stay here in the state of California, USA. I discovered that next to my natal day and my parents's birthdays, this date would come next as one which I won't forget for the rest of my non-dementia life. Nowadays, we hear "Time flies fast" numerous times, yes it is. However, I sometimes feel like I have been gone too long away from home.  It is the simplest, quiet every day routine that I constantly miss. Waking up on my old bedroom with the sound of tricycles, seeing Mamang, Mayet and Kakay right away with the home cooked breakfast waiting for me. 

I miss my Villa friends, our laugh out loud and coffee sessions with the kids hanging around doing their thing and the boys on the side discussing about sabong, sports, etc. Yet I am thankful that I get to build new camaraderie here from caring people. We do happy hour and able to talk personal matters.

I miss being able to attend eucharistic celebrations at UA chapel everyday, be a lector or commentator and hear inspiring words from Fr. Josel and Fr. Vic. Yet I am thankful for Fr. Richard Vega and my favorite -"Father Teacher Roque for feeding me spiritually to have stronger and steady faith in God.

I miss my work as a clinical instructor, as it kept me abreast with knowledge on the different fields of Nursing, and knowing that in my own little way, I get to impart something of significance to my students. Yet I am thankful I am a nephrology nurse now working at chairside giving direct patient care. Words like, " Thank you Michelle for helping me prolong my life," "Your smile brightens my day", and " Stay sweet to us, " soothe  my back pain and dry hands (from constant hand washing).

I miss Cleng, my best ever friend/niece/shock absorber/ buddy/companion. Yet I am thankful that in spite of the freaking 15- hour time zone difference, we manage to talk and text almost everyday. 

I miss Mamang, my best person in the world. If only I can fly every two weeks, I will. The sadness never goes away, I gather strength and courage each single day to live life without her near me. That some times I literally touch my phone's screen just so I can "touch and kiss" her.  Yet I am very grateful for my Azusa family for their constant help and support in every way they can. Koyang Miller and Ate Reggie are my earth angels, they always have ready solutions for all my problems and worries. Ate Reggie's family treat me like their own. They hear  and feel my anguished cries, finding ways to assure me they have my back.

I miss my old life back in Philippines, the easy and laid back one with its own dose of complexities and worries. Up until now, I still have no clear answer as to "Why do I have to go to USA?'. Yet I am hanging in there, swaying to the wind of uncertainties, clinging on to faith and hope, knowing in my heart that this is an integral part of God's blueprint plan for my journey towards a more beautiful and fruitful life.

Life is never easy, I don't want to make it rough though. I know that  as long as I keep a grateful and appreciative heart, all will be just fine.

Faith. Hope. Courage.