Sometimes, Some Times

 

2021- the best and worst year of my life so far. How it taught me the most real definitions of Love, Faith, Hope, Courage, Strength. How it made me realize the difference between breathing and living. How it showed me that family isn't just blood, it's the people who pull you out of a dark dungeon.How it proved to me that I am truly a strong and resilient person, with all the unimaginable trials that paid a visit, I wonder why I am still here. 

It was not smooth ride. In fact 2021 was full of bumps and topsy- turvy twisted turns and unwelcome detours yet I managed to reach my chosen destination safe and sound, albeit with bruises and scars that time will heal at the right pace.

2021. Worst. Best.

Postscript:

To everyone who wasted their time reading my blogs, THANK YOU. It was a pleasure to share with you my itzibitzi thoughts, tales and travels.

Time for me to sign off.

Have a Merry CHRISTmas and a Peaceful New Year.

MICHELLE ANN

GT's First US Adventure

 

I hope I do not have dementia-like symptoms yet coz if I remember right, this is our first US bond, at Las Vegas for 4th of July in 2015. It holds a few number of firsts for me: first out-of- state travel, first 4th of July, first time to feel the dry heat of Nevada I panicked I thought I would pass out ( I literally felt no inhaled air).

We spent the day at Wynn Hotel and shared glasses of mojito while people-watching and sharing tales. Zoom to now and we continue to travel and explore places together. Fond moments, thousands of photos and videos captured ( I had to upgrade my iCloud storage), OOTDs worn,  and stories about anything under the sun are all worth it to be kept in my box of jeweled treasures.

Cheers to the world!!!

Cheers to Tal and Arlette!! 

Cheers to more travels!!!

Arlette. Crystal. Mitzi.

Forever in Friendship

 As I become older and hopefully wiser (it's a long winding road), I get to be selective of people that I let in my real life. I remain glued to my old friends way back in my hometown (especially Claire, Ate Tonette and Tammy), to my cousins who I grew up with in PH ( hello my beautiful cousins), to three persons I encountered in my university days and in the present , to my Behs of NorFo. I only have a handful of people that I can consider friends. Friendship has a profound meaning to me. Once I read on a book, you can only say an individual is a friend if you shared tears together, and I totally concur to that.  If it is all about fun, so -called success and happiness that you have with someone or a group, better think twice before categorically calling them as friends.

On the aforementioned list of friends in my university days is a guy named Harry. We developed a closer bond when both of us started working as clinical instructors in our alma mater back in PH. Harry is way much younger than me ( six- year gap) yet he is way more mature than me in many aspects. He is my security blanket and soft cushion in hard and difficult times. He is also on top of my mind when something oh -so -wonderful is materializing in my life and I call him right away.

We ceased explaining to people our kind of friendship. Maybe it is not easy to grasp for others who see us and I get it, coz not everybody gets the chance to have this oh-so unique one. We travel and fly together, drink and get wild together, eat and explore places together and tried many adventures (the most unforgettable is helmet diving in Boracay) in the past... in the most platonic kind of way. Take it or leave it, we don't care.

Recently, we met at McCarran Airport in Nevada to spend time together after almost two years of not seeing each other in person.He flew from North, the more chic and expensive part of CA.:) We were supposed to watch Ate Celine's show but my "voice soulmate" was sick. Soon as I saw him with his checked-in luggage (hahaha)and carry-on laftuf , I hugged him tight and I felt at home again. We just explored The Strip, its booze and gastronomic sights and what it has to offer for us. The most fun part? We people -watched and created our silly and crazy scripts of these strangers.:)

The BEST thing about Harry?? He simply and sincerely listens to my pleas, woes, stories, dreams, sobs and tears. He rarely gives advice. Truth of the matter is when we pour our heart out to others, we do not actually need them to tell us what we are supposed to do or how to act in certain circumstances. We just want them to listen and hear our thoughts and understand our undeclared emotions. Coz deep down inside us, we already know what we are supposed to do. I told Harry about this over glasses of mojito at Resorts World poolside, I wanted him to know how much I value his time and when he lends me his ears to hear of all of my drama and heartaches, corny and out of the blue tales with non-judgmental manner and apt silence. I tell him we have mastered enough the art of therapeutic communication which we learned and taught in Maladaptive Nursing we apply it in our lives.:)

Meet The Maker for me and Scottish Kiss for him.

Looking forward to more travels and memories with you.

Goal met tayo for you to swim. Di nga lang tayo umitim.

Boracay is our most-favorite island, it is our idea of paradise and play with its pristine sand while we bask under the sea wishing to have charcoaled- skin, especially him. He empties a bottle of suntan spray to achieve that .We went to this place a few times together and they are in my heart-sketched memories. The all- you-can eat oysters, Happy Hour mojitos and Red Horse, staring at the blue skies, walking at the seashore and conversations about anything and chizmiz on everyone made our days fun and sunny. For the meantime, we will do with Las Vegas pools. LOL!!!

Yayyyy to share with you the magic of Hell's Kitchen!!!

How glad and grateful I am to be with him physically for a few days, I look at him and flashback of random events come to mind. Like how we both patiently waited for our visas to migrate here and fulfill our American dreams, when we were objectively deciding if we will give a pass/ failed remark to our student nurses, all the Powerpoint lectures he prepared for our classroom discussions and even for my Masters requirements, when he left Philippines to start a new beginning here in US, when I lost Mamang, his parents' demise, our escapades in the past. Our friendship has come a long way, I see him now and as has always been, I am way too proud of all his achievements in life both personally and professionally. He remains to be the humble Chz who lets his success be his loudest noise. We are still the same us, we know what the other hates and who the other person likes. I can go nonstop describing our extraordinary friendship so I will highlight the most mesmerizing and special ones here.

Cheers to a lifetime of friendship.

Cheers to our crazy, real and one-of a kind bond.

We get along so well, coz he hates gambling too.I spent 20$, he spent zero!:)

Remember the puzzling pool photos??? LOL!!

Thank you to Harry for being my forever- best friend . With him, I can just be the naked, raw, unfiltered me. He accepts and loves the twisted, histrionic, crazy real me with no ifs and buts, now looking at it, he is my shrink!!!I can bare my heart, mind and soul to him without the fear of being abandoned , judged and betrayed. It warms my heart too when he lets me peek the inner side of him and his future dreams and wishes.The fragile , soft and tender him and all the other pages of his current life that is not shared in public. 

Happy happy birthday to Harry!!! He is one of my greatest and priceless blessings in life, one that is meant to be a keeper forever. He is a ride or die, come hell or high water, four-season kind of person. Yes he is more than a friend. He is a brother, mentor, comforter, soothing balm, and an inspiration to me. 

I pray for beautiful blessings to continuously pour in his life. May God grant his heart's wishes now and always. Many more candles to blow. When I come and visit you, I will make us 100 liters of mimosa!! Lol!!!

Postscript:

My lips are sealed. But if and when you walk down the aisle anywhere in the globe, make sure Ate Chie is part of the entourage.Lol!!!

Harry. Chz. Forever.

Listening To My Heart

 

After all

I still hope

we end up together.

I really wanted to be with you

and I really wanted it to be you.

You are the person 

who I hoped 

would be my person.

What a lovely time when you were mine

and I was yours.

A part of me

always wants to be

a part of you.

I had to say goodbye

even though

I wanted to hold on.

I just hope one day

we find our way back

to each other.

I had so much love

for you, just for you

to walk away ( or for me to run).

j. m. wise

I. Miss. You.

Cheers to Julia!!!

 To my dearest Tammy,

• I remember how your mood can change from a giggly girl to a crying one on our Hongkong trip coz you wanted to buy a lip gloss and we didn't allow you on our first store visit.:)
• I remember how I had to hold your hand for support when I saw my former crush in SM Starbucks and you calmly told me, "Just relax Tita."
• I remember how you wanted us to hold hands while we stroll along the mall and your mum said how can Tita Mitch find a guy if they see me with a little girl tagging along with me and you did not care what people may think.:)
• I remember how we spent time perusing make-up kit and nail polish and the giddiness we get from it.
• I remember how you dreamt of studying in New York when you grow up. At a young age, you already know what you want and what your dreams are.
• I remember how you always tinker on my phone and when I reach home, I see your photo-selfies stored.
• I remember our Starbucks dates, just you and me and Kakay... like I was with people close my age. We never ran out of stories to tell.
• I remember all our Asian trips, Boracay getaways and hotel staycations with fondness and gratitude.
• I remember how generous you were with your hugs and kisses at any given time.
• I remember how you asked me on Mamang's wake how I was feeling and how worried you were for me, and I was the one on your thoughts when you found out Mamang passed away. You quietly sat beside me and stayed with me on that long bench. Your silence and company meant sooo much.You were the only one who had the courage to ask me that. Maybe you knew that Tita, despite the strength and tenacity I possess, was at that time crumbling and shaking inside.
• I remember your message for me that you worry about me and pray for me during the peak of pandemic as I was caring for my patients.
• I remember how you share with me your passion for reading and the two of us kinda now have a "bookclub" thing of our own.
• I remember how when you were just a school- aged girl and you declared we are the best of friends. We will always be, darling.
• I remember our Palm Spring day-out on December 2019 when you saw snow for the first time and bonded with Kadie and Mykee. That was a fun day for all of us.
• I remember when you were probably around only 5 years old and you uttered, "Cheers to the world," while we toast our Starbucks drinks. And up to this day, I say that and my friends and patients here know that line too well now.
• I remember how now you say you want to be like me, independent and self- reliant. I am flattered, but my darling, I want you to embrace and savor the emotions of love and someday meet the man of your dreams at the right time.
• I remember all our memories and moments of togetherness, with all of our other family members.

Tita is now 44, and most likely you are taller than me. Time and distance has proven  that it cannot  change the love and bond we have for each other. You remain to be so sweet and thoughtful, even gets "kilig" with my IG posts.  How it tickles my heart each time you message me with your affection and stories. When you say you miss me so much, how I wish I have Harry Potter's invisibility cloak so I can fly back there in PH to have a long chat with you while we drink our favorite Starbucks drinks in SM Pampanga.

Happy birthday, my dearest Tammy. Like what I told you, you are growing prettier and prettier each day. The beauty of that is your thoughtfulness and sweetness remain to flourish with the sincerity of gentleness of your heart. I wish you happiness and good health. Chase and pursue your dreams, overcome your fear and be the best version of you. Know that Tita will always be your loyal and fierce cheerleader every step of the way.

I love you very much. You are one of God's most precious gifts to me. Best friends forever, to the moon and back, infinity and beyond. We will see each other soon, be it in PH, Socal, or maybe New York???:) Receive my tight hugs and kisses to you.

Cheers to the world!!!:)

Love, Tita

Julia. Tammy. BFFs.

I Will Find Myself Along The Way

 I am sorry- that others did not have gentle hands when taking care of your heart. I am sorry that you spent so much time trying to show them the depths of your soul when they lacked depth themselves and couldn't see it. I hope that now you understand that not everyone is meant to swing in your waters. Each human connection you. encounter is unique, but it should never require you to lose yourself along the way.

Broken. Lost. Found.

All The While, I Can Still Smile

 

Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too 

And I say to you

Ooh- ah, soon you'll get better

Ooh- ah, soon you'll get better

Ooh- ah, you'll get better soon

'Cause you have to...

  And I hate to make this all about me

But who am I supposed to talk to?

What am I supposed to do

If there's no you?

(Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift)

I will get better, coz I have to. And to assure the public, family and friends, I will continue to smile.

Cry. Smile. Cry.

At Old Mission Santa Ines in Solvang

Solvang is not only known as the Denmark capital of California, an old mission is also affiliated with it. According to Wikipedia, "Mission Santa Ines is a Spanish mission in the present-day city of Solvang, California, and named after St. Agnes of Rome. The mission site was chosen as a midway point between Mission Santa Barbara and Mission La Purisima Concepcion, and was destined to relieve overcrowding at those two missions and to serve the Indians living east of the Coast Range."

As has been a habit since childhood, I make a special wish for every new church that I visit. Aside from the litany of thanksgiving and atonement prayers I whispered to God and all the saints beside Him, in a rare circumstance, I closed my eyes and prayed a wish not for myself, but for all the people who stayed by my side in the most turbulent times and for all those that left and deserted me when I needed them the most. They all made me stronger and resilient in countercurrent way. May everyone be blessed with peace of mind, body and heart.

I continue to like visiting churches, I continue to be steadfast in praying, I continue to believe in His time and plans for me. I continue to ask for guidance and forgiveness. I continue to have faith that Jesus loves me in the same manner He loves you and others. After all, grace is not earned. It is freely given by Him to all.

Faith. Hope. Forgiveness.